Today I watched the movie ‘Old Yeller’.  What a great movie.  What a horrible movie!  I decided it was time to really see how hard I could make my kids cry.  I especially wanted to make sure my younger ones could join the rest of us who grew up with this iconic tale of sorrow!  Does that make me a terrible mother?  In ‘Old Yeller’ the mother is played by Dorothy McGuire.  Growing up, besides my own mother, she was one of my examples of what a perfect mother does and looks like.  I decided to look her up on the internet and found that she was an actress that didn’t promote herself and didn’t like the limelight.  However, because she didn’t, there were many awards she should have won but never did.  True beauty doesn’t seek attention.  How wonderful it was to find out that she was the woman and character she portrayed on-screen.

When the movie was over, my little 5 yr old Tabitha came to me in tears and I held her for 20 minutes as she cried because Old Yeller had died.  Mission accomplished.  (Sorry if I spoiled that for anyone if you haven’t seen the show, but it’s a dog movie so what do you expect?)  As I held my little crying girl and felt her heart breaking, I was reminded of a similar experience I had with my oldest son Brigham.

Brigham was my first little curly redhead and the oldest of the family.  Like all of us in the family, Brigham loved animals.  We got him 2 rats that he rightly named Cheddar and Swiss.  Brigham took Cheddar and Swiss everywhere.  I would often find them on his shoulders as he was playing or reading a book.  Believe it or not rats are very good pets and can even be tamed to come when you call their name.  Cheddar and Swiss were Brigham’s best friends and he took very good care of them.

One day Swiss got sick.  We didn’t know what to do for him, we tried everything.  But Swiss eventually died.  This left Cheddar alone and soon Cheddar wouldn’t eat and he started getting weaker and weaker.  Seeing the pain that Swiss went through, and realizing that Cheddar had what Swiss had, Brigham knew what had to be done to his little Cheddar.  He picked up his weak little friend and took him outside to our garden with his bb gun.  When Old Yeller was killed, it only took Travis one horrible loud shot and it was over.  This wasn’t the case with Cheddar.  One shot wasn’t enough.  Neither were 2 or 3.  Brigham had to keep shooting and shooting.  There as he was sobbing with each shot, I saw my brave little boy put Cheddar out of his misery.  It was one of the bravest and heart wrenching things I have ever witnessed.  And for you mothers out there, you can imagine how I was feeling as I stood next to my son, my hands on his shaking shoulders, sobbing with him.

I have often thought of that day and how often our Father in Heaven is next to us, hands on our shaking shoulders sobbing with us when we have to do something so hard and so heart breaking over and over again.  As a mother, I get a small glimpse into what he must feel for ALL of his children.  I can only hope that as Dorothy McGuire did in ‘Old Yeller’ that I can convey that graceful strength and love to my own children.

How grateful I am for a Father in Heaven who I know is ALWAYS there for me.  How grateful I am for a little boy who showed me his true love and courage.  And how grateful I am for the story of an old yellow dog that makes me and my children cry.

annie

I was recently talking to a friend about someone, I can’t remember who, and I asked how old they were. I found out they were 41.  Hmm, I thought.  They are getting old.  Then I remembered, oh yeah, I’m that old!  AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! So here I am, just joined the 40 club and I decided since my life is half over (because I really don’t know if I want to live after 80) I needed to do something drastic, something amazing, something adventurous and daring something that no one will ever forget!  So here it is.  I started a blog.  I know, I know it’s bold. I honestly don’t know what I’m doing.  There are so many amazing writers out there, so many ideas and stories and things that have already been said.  I wouldn’t dare to think that I of myself have anything original or mind-blowing to get any attention for.

This year my youngest of 9 goes to school full-time.  It will be the first time in 20 years that I will not have a darling little cherub around me.  Of course my biological clock says, “NeCole, it’s time to have another baby!” I don’t think that yearning and desire ever goes away.  But as I prayerfully considered that road, which to me is the easy one, I was reminded that Heavenly Father has another plan for me.  It could also be my other biological clock that’s saying “NeCole your body is falling apart!” So with this extra time I may foolishly pretend that I have, I have decided to write.  So maybe, just maybe there will be something I write about here that He wants me to say.  And if so, then all glory goes to Him.  Then it WILL be original.  Then it WILL be mind-blowing. Then perhaps I may be an instrument in His hands to bring others to Christ.  Maybe the only ones that read this is my dear husband, children and angels, and that’s okay.  Whoever joins me on this journey is welcome!

I called this blog “Growing in Light” because that is what I’m  searching for.  Light.  One of my favorite scriptures is in the Doctrine and Covenants 50:23-25 it reads ” And that which doth not edify is not of God, and is darkness.  That which is of God is light; and he that receiveth light, and continueth in God, receiveth more light; and that light groweth brighter and brighter until the perfect day.  And again, verily I say unto you, and I say it that you may know the truth, that you may chase darkness from among you.”  So……let’s go chase that darkness away and grow in light together until that perfect day!  And what a day that will be!

annie